Friday, March 15, 2013

This is my true life story from the start, my story needs to be told to heal be advice of my counselor but I do believe it's to late for me but this just might help some just even one person that thinks they can't go on after all the hell you might have went threw or are going threw it now so here it goes,

my mom met my Daddy and fell head over heals in love they were married and so happy then they wanted to have a baby and they tried and tried with no luck then they went to the doctors and they told my parents they could never have children and both of my parents were very religous and my mom told the doctor that God can work miracles and they would not give up and after praying for six years to no surprze to my parents yes my mom was pregnant .

Things were great for awhile then when I was six months old my mother asked my Daddy for a divorce and he wasn't shocked becuase she was so involved with me she had no time for my Father and to say the least it broke his heart, so they were divorced  and my mom starting working in a bar to make money and she met Roger and they become very close friends and then they were married within two months so this was more then heart breaking to my father but they remained close because of me and also because they really still cared about each other, well this was a total life change for my mom and I, I can remember back to 3 years old and wasn't allowed no friends over our house which was a big huge mansion but it was like a jail to me and what was to come next when I was nine was like living hell and not just the beatings he use to give me and I was told if I told if I told my mom he would hurt her and everyone that knew this man knew he meant business and was afraid of this man and then he would watch me at night when my mom would go to work and what he would do is come in my room to tuck me in and that wasn't like him, First he started kissing me on the cheek then the next time it was on the mouth and then the next time he said I am your Daddy too and I want to show you love my daughter and he said I am gonna lay next to you until you fall asleep so lay your head down on my shoulder and out of fear of making him mad I did and I felt his hand going down my legs and he said your legs are very soft and your gonna be a beautiful woman and when you grow up and get married your husband will want you to make him happy and my dream was to get married to a prince yes that's the fantasy I had and I think it was my escape from this mean man and believe me his punishments were very bad, so he said he would teach me on how to keep my prince happy and the only reason I am brave enough to tell this is because I have carried this in too long and my family don't know this part but they do know the big part of what he was involved in which that will come later in my story, but he would come in my room every nite my Mother was at work and feel down my legs to between my legs and he started with just one finger wow this is so embarrassing but then he would insert one finger into my vagina and it hurt so bad and the more I cried the more he got mad and said how are you gonna be a woman when you are acting like a baby I said I am nine I am not a woman so we had a attic and it was my play room during the day well he sent me up there and shut all the lights out and made me stay up there but before he would send me up there he would have us watch a really scarey movie with him before he would tell me I was going in the attic and then beat my ass then send me up there and he told me maybe next time you will stop being a big baby when I am trying to show you love and I wanted to tell my mom so bad but he said he would hurt my mom (tears) so not only was I not allowed friends over and never understood why but this man was trying to make a woman out of me at nine years old, he was a truck driver and when he would go away for weeks at a time I knew we were safe at least until he got back home, need a break from this for now will continue tomorrow and thank you to my friends that are reading this and replying and being there for me, Hugs Deb.

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